you die you become a color, you die you become a number

dream journal

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 17:45:54 GMT

scene 1:
becca, someone, xoch and i arrive at del rey. we are playing on the play structure, near the tetherball side, when becca and someone decide to take off their clothes. they start walking toward the field, and disappear. i hear some adults talking angrily about them, and trying to find them. i try to text them: "run away!" but by that time they are already back. we head out to the parking lot, and can't find the car, so we head into the convenience store (in the parking lot), and ask ms. liu, who apparently drove us, where her car is. she says its parked in the middle of the lot. as we are leaving, i see carmen on the roof of the building to the left of the office. she is talking on her cell phone with her legs crossed, "guess who i just saw"

scene 2:
i look out the window of my house, and see a rope, knots, and wood. the image is not cohesive, yet this means something to me. i begin to hear my dad talking on the phone. "connor hung himself. one of the neighbors came by and tried to burn it down. maybe he was hungry." the dead weight in my stomach, the lurching feeling, and the shock of hearing such awful news about someone i haven't even thought of in half a decade causes me to wake up.

scene 3:
although there is no indication of this, i am presumably driving east on 24, looking out the window at the rolling hills of lamorinda. amidst trees the trees i see one clearing of grass, on the hump of a hill, and on it is parked an offroading station wagon, parking lights on, with noone inside. there is some phrase associated with this image in my mind, but i can't remember. it has something to do with drugs and nature, and i think to myself, the cops will be here soon. a few crests later, further in the distance, another cars tail lights can be seen through foliage, and then it is a blur of motion.

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 01:02:50 GMT

After five minutes, Lieutenant Jimmy Cross moved to the tunnel, leaned down, and examined the darkness. Trouble, he thought - a cave-in maybe. And then suddenly, without willing it, he was thinking about Martha. The stresses and the fractures, the quick collapse, the two of them buried alive under all that weight. Dense, crushing love. Kneeling, watching the hole, he tried to concentrate on Lee Strunk and the war, all the dangers, but his love was too much for him, he felt paralyzed, he wanted to sleep inside her lungs and breathe her blood and be smothered. He wanted her to be a virgin and not a virgin, all at once. He wanted to know her. Intimate secrets: Why poetry? Why so sad? Why that grayness in her eyes? Why so alone? Not lonely, just alone -

(The Things They Carried, O'Brien)

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 01:13:46 GMT

the excorcism is complete but you still haunt my dreams...

Thu, 17 May 2007 06:15:11 GMT

Wed, 16 May 2007 03:40:16 GMT

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 06:07:02 GMT

getting there is half the fun unless you're walking uphill

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 23:02:15 GMT

isn't it strange how the decisions that affect my life the most are the ones i dont have any recollection of making. now i'm left with the consequences of my subconscious

3/30 - 4/8

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 22:15:04 GMT

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 00:57:05 GMT

sometimes it's unbearable how uncomfortable i am just going through a day, but then music makes me feel okay to be alive.

warm colors

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 02:50:29 GMT

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 23:52:00 GMT

i don't know why i feel this way about iced tea but I JUST DO OKAY!

from the sketchbook

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 01:54:35 GMT

should i post scans more often? or are you content with photos?

wisdom teeth

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 19:23:06 GMT

odds and ends

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 06:16:56 GMT

I used to think I had somebody watching over me...

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 02:45:59 GMT

3-10 (honorary 3-8)

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 01:01:51 GMT

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 18:45:11 GMT

I can see tiny fireworks shooting off in the corners of my eyes.

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 07:03:48 GMT

bounty

pictionary

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 02:12:18 GMT

pt. bonitas rev.

Sat, 03 Jun 2006 18:22:49 GMT

cinco de mayo

Fri, 02 Jun 2006 00:22:01 GMT

happy belated...

Fri, 02 Jun 2006 00:17:27 GMT

the gates

Fri, 26 May 2006 04:26:41 GMT

A Midsummer Night's Dream

Tue, 23 May 2006 07:37:10 GMT

Actors...

Thu, 18 May 2006 06:38:41 GMT